Friday, January 27, 2012

thoughts on the future.

I have been thinking a lot this week about being a Mom and the heavy burden that lays on my heart.
It's a job I do not take lightly.

Each day, I set out to love, care, teach, and raise them to be the grown people I know they can be.

Loving, creative, caring, nurturing, responsible, and about 543,689 other adjectives to describe the most perfect citizen.

But this week I am realizing some things.
I can lead them to the path, but it is truly their decision, which way to turn.

This is not an easy pill to swallow. The thought of them making a wrong decision sets my heart in a tail spin.
But it happens, BELIEVE me it happens.
You can lead and lead, but that one moment when they choose not to follow, can send your world crashing down.

I know, I am being a bit dramatic with my thoughts of the future, I mean they are 5 and 2.
But when you see other mothers, mother you know did it, they lead and lead, and then one step down that dark shadowed path altered their future for the worst, just makes me think and think hard.

But how do I know I am doing it?
That is working?
That their lives will be fulfilling and fruitful?
So many questions that will be answered over time.

I need to stop wishing for a crystal ball, cause it takes me out of the current.
I need to focus, on what they are today, and the future will be always be there, waiting.
But these moments will be gone for ever.


Unknown said...

Have faith in what you are doing. My boys' are 24 & 21. They were the best of friends growing up, kind of went different ways in high school, but are now closer than ever.
The older did step down that dark, shadowed path for a few years --- but because of his roots and the fact that my hubby & I never lost our faith in him or God, he is back on the right path again.
Stay strong and always believe in what YOU are doing now - it will make a lot of difference, it really will!

BJJ said...

Ooh my mom is going to appreciate this one! As you may or may not know, I battled clinical depression and suffered. Uh time from the consequences that my decision making was then under the influence of. What hurts the most about it is how much it hurt my Mom to see me go through so much pain and despair and even though it wasn't her fault it made her doubt herself. Every single day since my journey to complete recovery first began, I've made myself a better person because I've been with my Mom and reminded of the woman she raised me to be. She knows it wasn't anything she did wrong, but because she loves me AI much and invested her life in raising me just like you do A & N. you remind me of my early childhood with my mother so much in your pics and through your blog. It's heart-warming to read. So this post means a lot. Things will go wrong, but what matters most is that she'll (and he'll) always have the best example of a mother to grow up to be and one day become and that's seriously the best thing in the world.

You really are the best kind of moms and my heart hurts for the children who don't know this kind of love. You ate definitely doing it right and when they are grown and have experienced the world on their own they will know how lucky they are and they will be so grateful for you for it. :)

christina said...

so beautifully written. i worry about this so much that i tend to live in the moment and try to keep them small forever...and that is the wrong thing to do as well. sometimes i forget that they are growing up and i need to teach them the things i fear most in life. just yesturday one of our neighbor's house caught on fire and they were not able to save her. while we watched amubulance after fire truck arriving i realized that i have yet to teach them about fire safety. i know the girls are too young to understand but my son is not. so then and there we talked about it and set up our plan. at that moment i realized i have been doing them a huge injustice by not thinking more about these little ones growing up and becoming people. i need to start teaching them more about life and not just morals, beliefs and about being a good person. mothering is a much harder job then one can ever realize. but i think just being able to realize our faults makes us a better parent and more aware of what we need to do.

and yes the future scares me like crazy! all we can do is pray that what we have taught them will be the path they choose.

Laurie J said...

um hmmm. totally. it's up to them, ultimately, and that is a trust in God thing cuz i'm not quite sure what else there is to do!

Mycharmingcolors said...

sweet friend, let me tell you after years of working with moms in full time ministry I have never seen anyone out pour their lives into their children sacrificially with unconditional love and wisdom the way you do. I love the way you lead them, the way you teach and the way they love on each other. I mean your kiddos really truly love each other, they both have these sweet precious hearts and I can totally tell were not only molded by the Lord, but also by their mother.

I know in the end....they are going to be the type of grown up people that I would want my Judah around. Praying for your heart sweet friend

Kelli Blinn said...

Yes, a great reminder for mamas and everyone to just live in the now, be thankful and enjoy life. Thanks, Amy. Oh, and the last pic of your littles is especially precious.

Christa said...

Girl, yes. My mind and heart go here too, and I usually just change the subject. I cannot bear to sit with these thoughts too long. It does let me know that I really do need to back off some. I cannot control them. Like you said, they have to decide. I just have to keep modeling and loving and praying and hoping.