thoughts on the future.

I have been thinking a lot this week about being a Mom and the heavy burden that lays on my heart.

It's a job I do not take lightly.

Each day, I set out to love, care, teach, and raise them to be the grown people I know they can be.

Loving, creative, caring, nurturing, responsible, and about 543,689 other adjectives to describe the most perfect citizen.

But this week I am realizing some things.

I can lead them to the path, but it is truly their decision, which way to turn.

This is not an easy pill to swallow. The thought of them making a wrong decision sets my heart in a tail spin.

But it happens, BELIEVE me it happens.

You can lead and lead, but that one moment when they choose not to follow, can send your world crashing down.

I know, I am being a bit dramatic with my thoughts of the future, I mean they are 5 and 2.

But when you see other mothers, mother you know did it, they lead and lead, and then one step down that dark shadowed path altered their future for the worst, just makes me think and think hard.

But how do I know I am doing it?

That is working?

That their lives will be fulfilling and fruitful?

So many questions that will be answered over time.

I need to stop wishing for a crystal ball, cause it takes me out of the current.

I need to focus, on what they are today, and the future will be always be there, waiting.

But these moments will be gone for ever.

Mom in the shot {Oct 4th} Why do you need to grow up?!

I am finding myself in a very emotional state when it comes to my kids lately.

And honestly it could be any number of things brining it on.

Like planning Bean's 2nd birthday.

2?!

2 whole years this little dude has been making his mark on Mother Earth.

2 years he has becoming a little man.

2 years he has been making me laugh, cry and love him more and more everyday.

{insert tears}

Then here is this little Buggie, or in her case not so little anymore.

When I pick her up, I think this may have to end soon, and this puts me into a straight stream of tears. She has always been a snuggle Bug, and I know that will never change, but the thought of not being able to scoop her up into my arms, oh lordy...

And she is doing so good in school. Everyday she hops out of the car, plants a big kiss on us and off she goes into school. I mean where did my little baby go?!

Then there is the fact that Hubs and I both have agreed, that two is enough. UGH. I mean we both have days where we are like "Lets have a third!" then 10 mins later, we say,

"Remember when I said lets have a third, lets just say that was a fit of insanity."

Then we are back at 2.

Is our family complete?

I believe in my heart it is. {so I just deleted that line three times and then rewrote}

{insert tears}

Am I so indecisive about this because I am so emotional over the kiddies growing up?

Maybe.

But what sits in my heart right now is enough room for Buggie and Bean, and if some space opens up in the future, maybe then we will need to change the name of this blog...

Off to blow my nose.

Geez I am a mess.