Thursday, January 19, 2012

Mom in the Shot {Jan 19th I am a Mom, always learning and adapting}

When I started writing this post it started out humorous.
All about me embarrassing my kids with public displays of affection and how I will try to make them do this forever and ever.
But then my mind got serious looking at this image.

Tears weld up and flowed all over my keyboard.
Wasn't sure why at first.
But then I realized what was going on.
I was afraid.
I was afraid that my own guilt about things might bring insecurities of their own.
That my wanting them to stay forever my little babies might bring moments of doubt of who they are or should be.
That loving on them as fiercely as I do, could make them dependent on me and not the independent thinkers I know they should be.
And most of all that my dreams for them will cloud their own.

I know these feelings may dissipate and just be replaced with new mommyhood insecurities.
Or they may always be there.
Learning the best thing I can do when these moments happen, is to take deep breathes and let the tears come.
Because when I suppress them, the my world gets smaller and my emotions become more intense, creating a claustrophobic effect in my chest = no bueno.

Another thing that helps is blogging these feelings and hearing from you all, that I am not alone.
So, now I ask, any mommyhood insecurities you want to get off your chest?
Please share.

As always linking up with Em.


Amber said...

what a sweet picture. I know those feelings also. I guess that my mommyhood insecurity right now is that I feel like I won't be able to teach/handle/learn the next phase. Of course that is just fear of the unknown, God has given me strength thus far, so why wouldn't he for the next phase? Ahhh I feel better. :)

bird and tree said...

I know what you mean! Kiddos can be awesome fun, super silly and also tug at your heart...sometimes you just have to reflect on the heart tugging!!! Love your blog!!!

Hespyhesp said...

Cute shot! Currently my insecurity is regarding discipline. Sometimes I just want to know that I'm handling things the right way. I'm not always sure. I don't even know if anyone is sure when their child is two - so challenging and hilariously fun all at the same time.

Laura said...

Thanks for the thoughts. :] Beautiful photo.

LittleGreenThread said...

Gah Amy, this post almost made me cry :) But only because I can relate so much. Yesterday when I was putting Grayson down for his nap, we were going through our little routine...he crawls in the crib himself, then loves on me, I cover him up and he asks for another hug & tells me, "I love you". It's just so precious. I told him, "I want you to be my baby forever, okay?", and then I thought about what I was saying, and, that's not true. I want you to grow up and be a great man and do great things. As a Mom it's scary to think about them growing up, moving away, doing their own thing. It's hard not to try to hang on forever, even though we know we can't.
Now I am crying. Thanks a lot ;)

Traci said...

I feel the same way about my son. I hear other mothers state they feel similar too. Seems mommy hood insecurities are par for the course. I like to think that maybe these insecurities are instilled in us mommies to help guide us in raising our children. That they actually have a positive result and keep us on track =) GREAT photo!

Jessica @ jessicaNdesigns said...

Omg I feel the same...I am constitantly worrying if I am doing it right...if I am "ruining" them in some way. It is scary! But as my hubby reminds me, it is up to god, we have to do what's right, teach them the best we know how, pray, and give them to god. Even though I struggle, I know that is right.

Dear Boys Love Mom said...

you certainly are not alone. My husband and i obsessively tell our babies how much we love them and smother them with kisses. Sometimes we just stare at them in amazement that feeling so blessed and so full of love. They are happy tears. Loving tears. <3

Lindsey Taber said...

I think it is so crystal clear in your instagram and blog that you are an amazingly supportive and loving mama. From playing with them outside to making them the cutest lunches and building them an amazing race track in the kitchen. I truly believe you are making strong independent children. They know that they can go out on their own because they have a pilar of strength that will give them encouragement and love if they ever need it. They don't have the insecurities of not knowing. I think that's an amazing thing. You have a gift of love that translates so beautifully to your children.

I struggle with the feeling of wanting alone time. I don't want Stella to ever feel like I don't want to spend time with her and I'm afraid that me wanting some "me" time will make her feel unloved.

I hope my post about your mothering wasn't overly mushy or creepy. I just think you are an amaing mama

Jenny K said...

That picture is great! Loved the post, too! You are certainly not alone, we all have insecurities. I'm always wondering if I'm doing things right.

Aubrey said...

total sweetness.
My current insecurities??
1} I have made my four year old crazy because now she doesn't want to get big EVER.
Her birthday is in 2 weeks and she has a fit and tells people I am canceling it.
2} that now that my older two are well, older, that I haven't taught them to be more grateful. to be less entitled. I wish I knew exactly what to do to make them turn out to be good people....

Mrs.Sanders said...

Sweet picture. This is all about what I am feeling these days! Mom guilt can be a pain in the tush, but it can also push us to make the most of each day and remember what is truly important. I had to wipe those tears away a few times last week...and the week before ;)

Thanks for sharing your heart.