Thursday, February 10, 2011

Mom in the shot Feb 10th {serious case of Momma guilt}

Bug and I waiting for our table at Cheesecake Factory over the weekend.
Am I the only one who thinks that the way they pack people in like sardines creates awkward close table conversations?

{her teachers call her Sunshine, you can see why}

When I decided to stay home with my kids, I wanted to be the fieldtrip Momma. You know the one who plans her whole calendar around chaperoning.

BUT things change.
Like having a 15 month old who does not sit quietly in his stroller. So fieldtrips are not fair to him or her for that matter.

Buggie had a fieldtrip this week, she REALLY wanted me to go, I REALLY wanted to go. But it was right in the middle of nap time, plus I knew her little brother would not be cool with it.

Enter Momma guilt.

My well intended friend text me pictures of Buggie doing her thang. It mad me cry.
Bad cry, ugly cry.

And here it comes {truth time}, I felt resentment towards him. He was preventing me from being there with her. I was not cool with the feeling on so many levels.
But it was real.
I am real.
A real Momma, not perfect but I do my best.

I showered him with extra kisses and hugs that day, more Momma guilt.
Does it ever end?!

I love her. I love him.
And I am a real momma, with real feelings good or bad.

Please tell me I am not alone.
Ok enough with the serious stuff.

Do you embrace? You should.

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shea said...

I totally feel you on the mommy guilt. I think we all do. My two are 25 months apart and I miss my big girl for sure. We can tell through this lovely blog that you're a wonderful momma! Keep your chin up!

Jamie Kubeczka said...

Very cute! Your daughter is beautiful and that name suites her well. Every time we go to the Cheesecake factory, which is hardly ever.. it's always packed and theirs an hour wait. Probably the reason we don't go there often. Ha!

Anonymous said...

You are a real Momma and a darn good one. You shower your children with love devotion and understanding, wipe the guilt out of your mind. You have no reason for guilt, if anything I should be the guilty one for not being as good a Dad to you as you have become a good Mom to Avery and Nolan.
Decisions are tough and they have to be made you made one that day and it was the right one because that's what great Moms do.

Your Dad

Dad said...

Oh and by the way I love Him and Her and You also.


Britt said...

oh ma word is that farris and fosters?

Amber said...

Momma guilt is real, but just know, that they both love you too! You are a good Momma!!

Unknown said...

Thanks for your honesty, I think we can all relate in some way. Bug and Bean have a wonderful mama!

-Jenni said...

Heck, I felt the guilt even when I was pregnant with Audrey. I was so miserable, and I know I was a pathetic momma during that time. Then, Audrey was born and cried pretty much non-stop from age 4 months to about 8 months and wanted only mommy. I know the feeling you talk about well. The best we can do is pray for patience and encourage each other. You are a great mom, Amy!!! Bug and Bean are so lucky to have you! Miss you, friend :-)

Mommy Girl said...

you're not alone! I always tell my littles, "I'm just one Moma" can't be everywhere!

Anne Eurose said...

I totally hear you. My 3 kids are all less than 2 years apart, and I thank God for people who help out. We just do the best we can.

lesleyzellers said...

She looks so much like you. Two beautiful ladies.

cami said...

I AM THERE. The guilt is racking when you're trying to manage it between the kids and what their needs are. I am also a SAHM and wish I could be in all places at all times. Usually, I'm able to enlist a grandma to help with my 4 yr old if the 6yr old has something going on. It will get easier and harder (nice, right!) as they get older. New challenges, but no naps to contend with. Hang in there girl! You're giving it your all and your kiddos love you regardless.

heather said...

It's SO hard!!! I'm the same way! I get jealous of the working moms as their childcare is set & they can go on field trips. I'm the sahm who never gets to go on any field trips or volunteer in the classroom either. HATE IT! Feel the guilt, slowly realizing that we are just one person and we can't do it all!

Also, I have big guilt for my middle child. the oldest was my only for 4 years, so he got tons of attention and eventually the big ones will both be in school and the baby will have one-on-one attention, but my middle always is one of the pack getting dragged along. :-(

Jami Nato said...

i so wanted to be the fieldtip mom too! but it never happens. so maybe that will make you feel normal. all of us mommies feel that way...

Anonymous said...

Ohhhhh my amazing, loving daughter. My heart aches for your aches. My heart explodes with pride for your honesty. As your father once told me, "in 7 or 8 eight years,things will be better" When he said that, you can imagine my first thought after I was able to stop my head from spinning, and before I had to call the Priest for the exorcism, or the chiropractor. By the way, I don't know where I would have found the time to go to either. You know how very supportive your father is, and is always my cheerleader, and always has been. BUT... that morning, As I kissed him good-bye and wished him a nice day, I was not feeling it. (actually, as I shut the door, I was wishing his pants zipper would break). WELL... those 7 or 8 years have long past, I would not have given up any minute of those crazy, juggling days. Do you remember the story about the time I went out with Aunt Kathleen and Aunt Joy to happy-hour, and as we were chatting or flirting, I'm not sure which it was a long time ago, You kids were young, I was a stay at home mom I said. Talk about a buzz kill..!!..That night I was feeling invisible. The three of us talked about it later and they come up with my new "JOB", I was ready for the question the next time we went, and as luck would have it, I was able to say, Oh me? "I'm the culinary critic for NASA", SOOO IN YOUR FACE, YOU BAD HAIR, POLYESTER WEARING, AWFUL SHOES, DOOFUSS, I had the best job of my life, that's right!!!! When ever I have to fill out papers that ask my occupation, I still write stay at home mom. Don't giggle, I am at one home or another. I am soooooo proud of my children and the love you share for one another. I would also like to thank you for all your patience as your were growing up. Your father would go to work sometimes before you kids woke-up and not come home till after you were in bed, I felt bad for him. He "WAS" always at work, NOW...... not so much. I think he has found his 7 or 8 years time. Being able to spend time with Avery and Nolan and being soooo proud of the mother you have become, he is a bit like Abuelo. Your husband is a VERY lucky man, and YOU are a very, very, very, lucky woman. I see the pride in his eyes when you're together. He is such an amazing juggler of his time, also. " It" works because we want and need "it" to. "IT'S" VERY hard work, lonely at home with our tears from the day, whatever that is, then our tears because of our tears. Those tears haven't stopped for me. Stand tall SAHM, and call me, I'll be there in 30 minutes. I love you, Mom your SAHM xoxo

Christine aka The Stampin' Ninja said...

I think as Mamas we can't shake the "Mama guilt" bug that bites us whenever we can't be the superstar that we expect ourselves to be at all times of the day 100% of the time. It's just part of our role as Mama, ya know what I mean? So no, you're definitely not alone and you're not terrible for having those feelings of resentment. You're a mama, a phenomenal one, but a human being too and while we mamas are never wrong, humans are flawed...
Just keep doing whatever it is that you're doing because your gorgeous little girl sure seems to be thrilled and proud that you're HER mama! :0)
Thanks for sharing with all of us!

Christine aka The Stampin' Ninja

Dawn said...

missed this yesterday but i understand-same thing happens with my girls, but my son is only 2 and like you said he's not cool with it :)

mommy guilt-i think we all just want to do the best we can for our kids and if we even just wonder if we might have been able to do better....enter mommy guilt

i just think it's awesome that you were able to realize what you were feeling and you dealt with it-your son will never know-thank you so much for sharing-i think we all don't realize others feel the same way as helps to know you're not the only one

Lesley said...

I applaud you for your honesty - I have just stumbled across your blog and will now be a follower... I was lamenting the fact that I can barely keep my home, family, business going let alone keep a blog/website up to date and was completely disenchanted with all these regular people able to manage life, post a blog everyday with beautifully edited pictures and a craft they did with their well coiffed children - Thank you for being REAL!
ps - don't check my blog it hasn't been updated in ages :) Living the REAL life...

Karri said...

Sounds like you have some amazing parents :)
No, you are not alone. I had the same guilt with my oldest when my twins were at home with me. Last year I spread myself thin between 3 classrooms and now I've got guilt b/c I am doing stuff in the twins classes, but the eldest's teacher doesn't require all that chaperoning and classroom party help anymore, but he still wants me there. Sigh. Its hard.
(and can I just add how strange it is to see someone from "real life" in blog land? Hi Heather)