Friday, July 29, 2011

Her name was Jats.

She was our first baby.
A little girl.
We adopted her when she was 7 weeks, weighing in at 8.6lbs.
When we decided to go get a dog, we had only been together for about 6 mnths.
Some people did not think it was the best idea.
But we did it anyways.
When we were at the breeders house, Hubs had this big boy pup in his lap.
And we were pretty much set on him.
When I picked up his little sister.
And held her up to my face and she let out a little burp.
We both laughed and knew she was ours!


Her name was something we did as a silly newly in love couple.
Jats, is our first and middle initials, corny I know.

She was a handful. As any puppy can be.


We loved her beyond words. She was our furbaby.




Over the past almost eleven years that she graced our lives, she grew into the most gentle soul.
One that welcomed a little sister and then a little brother. She was protective but sweet. She never once ate a toy of theirs, well except one little penguin did loss a limb, but honestly not even sure it was her.


Over the past month, she stopped eating her dog food. I had taken to the vet and the blood work was normal. So we thought maybe it was she getting old, she had just turned 10, and we needed to adjust her diet.


But last saturday, she just stopped eating. So we got her into the vet right away. Where more tests were done and it was determined she had a large tumor on her spleen. They were not sure whether it was cancer or not.


On Tuesday, Hubs took her to a vet specialist, where she had an ultrasound. And based on that they still could not tell if it was cancer. Hubs and I had talked different scenarios thru before he had taken her. But until you are faced with them, you really can't figure out the magnitude of them. So over the phone we had to make an extremely hard decision. Now some of you may think, "wow its just a dog." , but when that dog has become a family member, she is not just "A" dog, she is our dog. One that we love deeply.


We talked about if we did the surgery and it was cancer, then what, chemo?! And is that fair to her, just for her to give US another year with her? Or if it was not cancer, what kind of life would she have after it? There was no "no surgery" option, if she came home she would be coming home to die. And I would not do that to her and I would not do that to my children.
So we made the heart wrenching decision to let her go.

{this print my uncle made for us years ago of her and it hangs in our stairway}

Hubs got to take her for one last walk. Then he and the vet sat in a little room where he got to hold her, well she fell asleep. I am not going to lie, crying typing this right now, I did not think this was going to effect me as bad as it has. I knew I would be upset, but I did not think the uncontrollable crying would have lasted this long.


Its the little things that get me. Coming in the door and her not greeting me with her tail wagging a toy hanging in her mouth. Or hanging with me in the kitchen vacuuming up my dropping when I cook. Or like the other day when Bean was napping and the mail lady rang the doorbell, I went to catch her before she started barking, and there was silence. Hubs has been having a hard time at night. He has had the same night time routine with her over the 10 years, and its gone, she is gone. Buggie has taken it well, but I think she just does not get it. She has said things that make my heart hurt, "Momma Jatsy is not going to be able to check on me at night." Or "Momma Jatsy lives in my whole heart."

I am sure our home will feel complete again, but right now there is a huge hole.
I love you sweet baby girl.

35 comments:

Craftzilla said...

Oh dear! What a hard thing to lose such a big part of your life :( Totally have the tears too right now reading this, but you know you made the right decision to not let her suffer. I love all the pics of her growing up, as well as the story of how you picked her :) Remember the good memories, and I'm sure that will help a bit.

Gillian

Lindsey said...

They are never "just a dog". They are your child, your shadow, your unconditionally loving companion. This is such a sweet tribute to your fur baby. Thank you for sharing something that is so hard. May no one ever tell you "she was just a dog".

TheNameIsCasie said...

I knew I shouldn't have read this at work -- and silly me, I still did it anyway. So Im just gonna sit here quietly in tears, lol.

Our Rottie is 13 now...we joke that he's easily the oldest Rottweiler in existence, and so we try to prepare ourselves the best we can for what we know is eventually coming. We have been for YEARS, really...but, I know we're still not ready.

It's beyond sad, and it drives me mad when people don't "get" it and go with that "It's just a DOG" route -- yeah, but that DOG is MORE a part of my FAMILY than most people could ever be. "That DOG" is the one who greets me when I come home, and drives me a lil' crazy, and is there...and KNOWS...when I hurt. They're better than people, really.

My heart hurts for you guys...this is such a beautiful tribute to her though! ♥

Michelle (michabella) said...

Oh man, I am in tears, okay I am balling. As a new momma to a furbaby I just can't imagine the pain of losing your first baby girl. Sending much love to you and your hubs as I know you both have broken hearts. She was a beauty <3

shea said...

I am so sorry. We lost both of our dogs just last month within a week of each other. They were still young in our eyes and still little puppies despite the fact they weighed 100 pounds each. The first one to go was a yellow lab who liked to eat stuff he shouldn't. The second was a chocolate who suffered a heat stroke. We had to put them both down. It's heart wrenching. I am sorry you and your family have to go through this. It's hard. It says a lot about you as an owner to know your pet and let go and not let her suffer. Hang in there.

Anna said...

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Lauren K said...

I'm sorry. I'm crying now too. It's so hard. Our first dog was a rescue and he was mine. I picked him out. We knew to be careful but others did not. He bit one of my cousins who's mom (my uncle's ex wife) threatened to sue us. My parents put him down. I was super upset. We now have another but he too is getting old. I am praying for you and your family that you can find peace and rest in the wonderful memories your puppy left you with. Virtual hugs and lots of love.

2littlehooligans said...

oh amy, im so sorry:) they totally become a part of the family and it hurts all too much. they are not "just a dog." hugs!

Beth @beth-adam.blogspot.com said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss! :( Our animals are members of our family too. We lost our sweet Harry Potter last year and we miss him every single day. I rescued him from a yard sale my senior year of high school, and he ended up getting diabetes when he was 6and my Mom gave him insulin shots twice a day and checked his blood by pricking his ear several times a day for the last 3 years of his life. He was 9 last year, and I feel like we lost him way too soon! Lots of love to you and your family! We know and understand all too well exactly what you're going through right now.

Melissa (Punkin Threads) said...

Oh Amski - My heart is so heavy for you all right now. Jats will be remembered and loved forever.

michaela said...

*tears* So sorry for your loss. A dog is not just "a dog." Sending you love and comfort and strength. Extra hugs to your kiddos. :'-(

--michaela
www.mjanegarrett.blogspot.com

Kelli Blinn said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm a dog-lover and totally get this. Its not "just a dog", she was a family member whom you loved dearly. Hoping your heart mends quickly, friend...

Krissi said...

Such a nice tribute to Jats!

deangirlnj said...

I don't even have a dog, no pet for that matter, and I am in tears. That left a heartprint on me. Very well written tribute... and great, fun pics.

Marissa said...

I'm so sorry.......sending hugs to all of you : (((((

angie said...

I am totally crying reading this. Pets aren't just animals. They are family members too. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Tiffany said...

I am crying so hard...you're right, she is not just a dog...she was your family. I am so sorry for your loss. My dog is a member of our family too and even a day with him gone seems so...weird. Everything is just off. It sounds like Jats was an amazing dog and brought you many years of love and puppy kisses. I'm so thankful for those 11 years you had with her!

Hespyhesp said...

This just broke my heart. I am totally crying at work. It's not silly at all, pets are family members, too. Reminds me of a book I just read, "The Art of Racing in the Rain". You should check it out when your heart has healed just a little more. The dog is the narrator and it has a good ending.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Michelle said...

I read your blog all the time. I am the silent reader type. But, I too am in tears. My heart goes out to you and your family along with my thoughts and prayers. I know that we too will have to make this decision with our two dogs one day and my breaks just thinking about it! HUGS

Cindy said...

This make my heart ACHE! I can't handle the thought of the day our Meisha leaves us. I know that love of a pet IS like family. I hope the days get a bit easier. When you're ready, pick up the book, "The Art of Racing in the Rain". A book written from a dog's perspective. Love it. It made me cry. And laugh. There is even a time when the dog curses. HA! Sending peacefulness to you.

kittykerri said...

I have not been reading you for very long and this is the first time I've heard of Jats but I'm all teary-eyed reading this. I'm sending much love, thoughts & prayers to your family.

This story hits close to home, my BFF just had to put her dog down earlier this month (the story is very similar to yours) and I have a 17 year old cat who I fear is coming very close to a story like this as well.

*Hugs*

ginnysaurusrex said...

I am so, so sorry. I cried reading this. Pets are never just a dog or just a cat.. they really are family members. My heart goes out to yall. <3

Heather :: AFD Jewelry :: said...

:( I'm so sorry for your loss!

H said...

Ughhh...I really hate it when this happens...As I read your post, I started crying--the runny nose, bawling...Just because I love animals..Have 2 dogs of my own...and they are so special to us..and our 2-year old girl...I am so sorry...and there are no words that can make it better...but
-Hugs- to you and your family..You made the best decision for your Jatsy...even though it hurts..I am so sorry..

Patti said...

My husband just walked in the room & saw the last picture of Jats, it reminded him of our dog Mocha, that we lost 5 years ago. Then he saw me sitting here boo-hooing.
You see, Mocha had the same thing. A tumor on the spleen. But, hers had ruptured. At 9am that day she was her normal self. At 9pm that evening we were rushing her into the emergency vets office. By 9:30pm she was in cardiac arrest & gone within minutes.
So your choice for Jats was a good one as I feel it was the same thing we dealt with Mocha. She wouldn't have lived much longer, I'm afraid, but being able to say good bye to her was a precious gift. It sucks - they ARE a huge part of your life.
We went 6 weeks before we couldn't stand the silence anymore and now we have a "white chocolate" lab - Libbi.
{{{{hugs}}}}

Kara @ Nest Candy said...

Dogs are amazing creatures. They are the ones who can get us all crying while sitting here thinking of all the dogs we have loved. I am still lucky enough to spend every day with my very first dog. I never knew what my life was missing until I got him two years ago. I know that when the day comes when he must leave us, I will be a wreck. Reading this has helped me mentally prepare for the time that is hopefully years in the future. I hope that all the love and support you have here will help ease your pain a little. We all understand and send you our love.

Jill T said...

I am so sorry:) I completely feel for you all--we just had a similar situation with our little pup. She is almost 13 and has been sick over the past week. The vet visit showed liver disease, so we are treating it for 2 weeks to see if she improves. I didn't know how much it would hit me either, until the thought of it actually happening was staring me in the face. I can completely sympathize with you. So glad you all have fond memories to hold onto.

cami said...

Oh hon... I sobbed reading this! They are never "just a dog". They are family members, and until you have one, people just don't get it. You have a loss that is worthy of sadness and some sobbing. Let it all come and don't for one second think that it's silly or wrong. Your dog seemed amazing and I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs from MN and from a fellow dog lover.

Cat Kotaka said...

On Tuesday, July 26, I held my 13 year old mini Schnauzer, Jax, as he took his last breaths in this world. He had a tumor in his liver and we also had no other options but to love him enough to let him go. To make matters worse we had lost his brother, Max, almost one year ago to the date to diabetes. Quite simply, they are family. They are loved and cherished as a member of the family. My heart goes out to you as you grieve, and you most definitely will. One year later we can talk about Max and smile, and I know soon we will do the same with Jax. You will too. My sincerest condolences to you in your loss. I choose to believe all dogs go to Heaven. Yours is no exception.

Erin said...

I am teared up just reading this. I can't imagine your pain right now! Our pets are part of our lives and our families....intertwined in everything we do...never "just a dog". I wish you peace and comfort right now.

Cate O'Malley said...

Totally feeling your pain. We put our dog down yesterday, a tumor as well. The day after my birthday, and the day before my son's. Like you, the quiet house and new routine is hard, and the tears fell when I wrote my post about it last night. Hugs!

Sarah L. said...

I am so sorry to hear about Jats! Our furry babies certainly become a part of the family. We are struggling with a very similar situation right now and it SUCKS! Hang in there!

Blomgrens said...

I'm so sorry for your loss - I am crying now too. I have a dog that we love very dearly too and even when he's away from us a few days it's sad and hard. I dread the days you are getting through - blessings!

jaz said...

Its been a loooong while since I've visited your blog...I'm glad I did and got to read about Jats<3

My heart aches for you. I can't imagine. I loved all of her pictures especially the last one, what a beautiful face!

I hope one day I can take pictures of my girls with my future babies.

CCB said...

I feel your pain. We lost two of our crew within 6 months of each other. They were the best of best friends {yellow lab & border collie mix}. It was so hard. Since then we have rescued another lab {black this time} and an Irish wolfhound mix. They are now the best of friends and our hearts have swelled again with the love of some furries. Thoughts and prayers with you!!!