Her name was Jats.

She was our first baby.

A little girl.

We adopted her when she was 7 weeks, weighing in at 8.6lbs.

When we decided to go get a dog, we had only been together for about 6 mnths.

Some people did not think it was the best idea.

But we did it anyways.

When we were at the breeders house, Hubs had this big boy pup in his lap.

And we were pretty much set on him.

When I picked up his little sister.

And held her up to my face and she let out a little burp.

We both laughed and knew she was ours!

Her name was something we did as a silly newly in love couple.

Jats, is our first and middle initials, corny I know.

She was a handful. As any puppy can be.

We loved her beyond words. She was our furbaby.

Over the past almost eleven years that she graced our lives, she grew into the most gentle soul.

One that welcomed a little sister and then a little brother. She was protective but sweet. She never once ate a toy of theirs, well except one little penguin did loss a limb, but honestly not even sure it was her.

Over the past month, she stopped eating her dog food. I had taken to the vet and the blood work was normal. So we thought maybe it was she getting old, she had just turned 10, and we needed to adjust her diet.

But last saturday, she just stopped eating. So we got her into the vet right away. Where more tests were done and it was determined she had a large tumor on her spleen. They were not sure whether it was cancer or not.

On Tuesday, Hubs took her to a vet specialist, where she had an ultrasound. And based on that they still could not tell if it was cancer. Hubs and I had talked different scenarios thru before he had taken her. But until you are faced with them, you really can't figure out the magnitude of them. So over the phone we had to make an extremely hard decision. Now some of you may think, "wow its just a dog." , but when that dog has become a family member, she is not just "A" dog, she is our dog. One that we love deeply.

We talked about if we did the surgery and it was cancer, then what, chemo?! And is that fair to her, just for her to give US another year with her? Or if it was not cancer, what kind of life would she have after it? There was no "no surgery" option, if she came home she would be coming home to die. And I would not do that to her and I would not do that to my children.

So we made the heart wrenching decision to let her go.

{this print my uncle made for us years ago of her and it hangs in our stairway}

Hubs got to take her for one last walk. Then he and the vet sat in a little room where he got to hold her, well she fell asleep. I am not going to lie, crying typing this right now, I did not think this was going to effect me as bad as it has. I knew I would be upset, but I did not think the uncontrollable crying would have lasted this long.

Its the little things that get me. Coming in the door and her not greeting me with her tail wagging a toy hanging in her mouth. Or hanging with me in the kitchen vacuuming up my dropping when I cook. Or like the other day when Bean was napping and the mail lady rang the doorbell, I went to catch her before she started barking, and there was silence. Hubs has been having a hard time at night. He has had the same night time routine with her over the 10 years, and its gone, she is gone. Buggie has taken it well, but I think she just does not get it. She has said things that make my heart hurt, "Momma Jatsy is not going to be able to check on me at night." Or "Momma Jatsy lives in my whole heart."

I am sure our home will feel complete again, but right now there is a huge hole.

I love you sweet baby girl.